In our “Simple Ways To Parent Without Anger Class” we discussed how parents can have some pretty unrealistic ideas of what it means to be a “good parent.”
We set the bar to high and there is no way that we can live up to our expectations. This can leads us to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability, causes us to feel pretty angry.
In days past, as practical and unromantic as it may sound, parents had kids because they needed help on the farm or with their family business. Kids were put to work pretty quickly. A parents job was to feed and clothe and possibly educate their kids and not much else.
Today a lot has changed. The job requirements for “good” parents have gotten broader to include:
- short order chef
- PR rep
The list can go on and on. No wonder we are feeling stressed and angry.
To help us get a handle on our emotions we need to look at the messages we are telling ourselves consciously or even unconsciously about what constitutes a” good” parent. We all have preconceived notions of what that definition is. I know that some of my unrealistic ideas of what a “good” parent does, includes:
- “It’s my job to always make sure the lunches are made and ready. If they aren’t I am not doing my job as a Mom”
- “I should always take care of everything for my kids. If I don’t I am a bad Mom.”
- “It is my job to make sure my kids are always happy. If they are sad, it means I might have done something wrong.”
- “If my kids do not behave, that means that I am not a good Mom.”
- “When my kids disobey me, it means that I am not doing my job.”
- “It is my responsibility as a good parent to make sure that my kids always do their homework and get good grades.”
I think you get the picture. We need to rethink our job requirements and make a list that is a little more reasonable. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Comment below to let us know what you think constitutes a “good parent.” Let’s see if we can find ways to make parenting less stressful and happier.